Ghost of you :: Act II
Kzaint
Chapter 1
⊹ ࣪ ˖☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ
Almost two weeks.
Fourteen days without hearing your voice, yet somehow I still hear it.
Sometimes, in the middle of a crowded street, I stop because I could've sworn you called my name. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking my phone rang with your voice on the other end, saying, "Are you awake?"
It never happens.
My mind just refuses to accept that your voice is something I'll never hear again.
Sometimes I still answer.
"I'm here..."
As if you'd hear me.
"I still miss you."
Then the silence reminds me that I'm talking to someone who isn't there anymore.
Long distance was already cruel enough.
The only way I could ever hold you was by closing my eyes and imagining you were here. The only way I could kiss you was through a screen that stayed cold no matter how long my fingers rested against it.
And now...
Even the distance is gone.
Because there's no "us" left to separate.
I keep wondering if you're smiling somewhere, hoping life has been kinder to you than it has been to me.
Sometimes I whisper into the empty room,
"I'm sorry... I know you said it wasn't my fault."
"But I still can't stop feeling like if I had just been a little braver... a little stronger... maybe we'd still be talking tonight."
The room never answers.
Maybe because there was never anyone to answer in the first place.
I wonder if you've already stopped checking your phone, while mine still lights up with hope every time a notification appears.
I still haven't deleted the photos I saved of you.
Your voice messages are still there. Your videos, our chats, our late-night conversations... every little piece of you I could keep.
Maybe because deleting them would feel too much like admitting you're really gone.
I said I'd become a better man.
I believed those words when I told you.
But fear got to me first.
I was a coward pretending to be someone brave enough to love you forever.
I let my doubts speak louder than my love, and by the time I realized what I had done, I was already apologizing to someone who had every reason to stop believing me.
The saddest part isn't that you left.
It's that I know why.
You didn't lose someone who loved you.
You lost someone who was too afraid to become the man you needed.
And I have to live with that.
If I could hear your voice one last time, I don't think I'd ask you to come back.
I'd just listen.
Because I'm terrified that one day I'll forget how you sounded when you said my name.
And that...
That would feel like losing you all over again.
Almost two weeks.
Fourteen days without hearing your voice, yet somehow I still hear it.
Sometimes, in the middle of a crowded street, I stop because I could've sworn you called my name. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking my phone rang with your voice on the other end, saying, "Are you awake?"
It never happens.
My mind just refuses to accept that your voice is something I'll never hear again.
Sometimes I still answer.
"I'm here..."
As if you'd hear me.
"I still miss you."
Then the silence reminds me that I'm talking to someone who isn't there anymore.
Long distance was already cruel enough.
The only way I could ever hold you was by closing my eyes and imagining you were here. The only way I could kiss you was through a screen that stayed cold no matter how long my fingers rested against it.
And now...
Even the distance is gone.
Because there's no "us" left to separate.
I keep wondering if you're smiling somewhere, hoping life has been kinder to you than it has been to me.
Sometimes I whisper into the empty room,
"I'm sorry... I know you said it wasn't my fault."
"But I still can't stop feeling like if I had just been a little braver... a little stronger... maybe we'd still be talking tonight."
The room never answers.
Maybe because there was never anyone to answer in the first place.
I wonder if you've already stopped checking your phone, while mine still lights up with hope every time a notification appears.
I still haven't deleted the photos I saved of you.
Your voice messages are still there. Your videos, our chats, our late-night conversations... every little piece of you I could keep.
Maybe because deleting them would feel too much like admitting you're really gone.
I said I'd become a better man.
I believed those words when I told you.
But fear got to me first.
I was a coward pretending to be someone brave enough to love you forever.
I let my doubts speak louder than my love, and by the time I realized what I had done, I was already apologizing to someone who had every reason to stop believing me.
The saddest part isn't that you left.
It's that I know why.
You didn't lose someone who loved you.
You lost someone who was too afraid to become the man you needed.
And I have to live with that.
If I could hear your voice one last time, I don't think I'd ask you to come back.
I'd just listen.
Because I'm terrified that one day I'll forget how you sounded when you said my name.
And that...
That would feel like losing you all over again.
Chapter 1
— Chapter 1